Divorce rarely begins the day someone files paperwork. For many couples, the relationship has been changing long before anyone says the word “divorce.” Unresolved hurt, growing distance, and unmet needs can gradually reshape how partners connect.
Although there is no universally accepted set of stages everyone experiences, research offers a helpful way to understand divorce as a process of stress, transition, and adjustment. Sociologist Paul Amato’s divorce-stress-adjustment perspective explores how this process can begin before a marriage ends and continue afterward.
1. The Unresolved Issues
The same arguments keep happening. Needs go unspoken, and resentment builds. Sometimes couples aren't struggling because they don't love each other, but because the same patterns keep repeating without resolution.
2. The Slow Drift
This stage can be surprisingly quiet. In therapy, I often hear some version of: “We weren't fighting all the time. We just stopped feeling like us.”
Research on marital satisfaction suggests that relationship trajectories vary: some couples experience declining satisfaction, while others remain relatively stable before their relationships end. (Lavner & Bradbury, 2012)
3. The Obvious Issue
Eventually, the problems become harder to ignore. Partners may begin asking, “Can this relationship change?” or “Do I still want to be here?” For some, this prompts repair; for others, it leads to considering separation.
4. The Separation
Separation may mean living apart, creating space while living together, or beginning the transition toward divorce. It can bring grief, relief, anger, fear, and uncertainty—sometimes all at once.
5. The End
Legal divorce may end the marriage, but emotional adjustment often continues. Parenting, finances, routines, and identity may all need to change.
6. New Beginnings
Healing isn't simply about moving on. It can mean grieving what you hoped the relationship would become, understanding your patterns, and rebuilding a sense of self.
These are not validated stages or a prescribed sequence. They are a therapist-informed framework for reflecting on a process that looks different for everyone.
At Lumina Therapy, I specialize in relationships and attachment, helping individuals and couples in the Nashville area navigate disconnection, relationship uncertainty, separation, and the work of building healthier, more secure relationships.
You don't have to navigate your next chapter alone.
If you're ready to explore what comes next, reach out to schedule a consultation and learn how therapy with Eva could support you.
Further Reading
The framework discussed in this article is informed by research on marital distress, divorce, and adjustment. The six phases presented here are not a validated scientific model; they are a way to reflect on the varied experiences people may have before, during, and after separation.
Amato, P. R. (2000). The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children. Read the research
Lavner, J. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (2012). Why Do Even Satisfied Newlyweds Eventually Go on to Divorce? Read the research
